Two days ago, I wrote the top 15 things that I had learned as a parent of a 5 year old. I also said that I would probably learn new things the next day. I did. Here are 6 more things I've learned since Monday evening. How's your week going?
6. Throwing or giving away unused or outgrown toys is always done in secret, after bedtime, quickly and discreetly. Toys are never ever left in the garage awaiting disposal day.
5. Helium-filled balloons are very good bribe material.
4. Dining room tables look better covered with Nemo stickers.
3. Murphy's Law of Nocturnal Impalement: the more angles, ridges, points and/or breakable parts an item has, the higher the likelihood of finding it with your feet in the dark. For example, stuffed animals and blankets are never stepped on in the dark. Legos, transformers and matchbox cars are always stepped on in the dark.
2. Shots hurt. I know for sure this one is true because I was informed of this fact 912 times yesterday.
1. Murphy's Law of Pediatric Appointment Uncomfortable Silence Event (or PAUSE): the closer a child is to their annual check-up, the higher the likelihood that he or she will incur visible bruises and/or lacerations from face-planting during play time. Inevitably, when the doctor asks the child, "How did you get that bruise on your forehead?" the child will PAUSE for an uncomfortable 5 seconds, and then answer "I don't want to talk about it" and then the doctor will look at you, Dad, for another uncomfortable 5 seconds of PAUSE, which you'll attempt to fill by explaining that he dove into his bed, all by himself, missing the pillow by a good two feet, and headbutted his shelf, and then you'll chuckle nervously and ramble on about how you tried to catch him but he lunged too fast, hoping the doctor will chuckle too and shake her head in that understanding "kids are so funny that way" way and move on to the reflex test.
My goodness, it's only Wednesday.